Friday, May 5, 2017

Listening Well


Why has it become so difficult to be HEARD?

Perhaps because of my intrinsic draw toward community and sharing life with others, or maybe because I teach exercise classes that focus on mindfulness and being fully present, but one thing that makes my heart sink clear down to my toes is whenever I feel like someone isn't actually listening to me. It's akin to a good hard kick in the gut. And ya'll, I feel like it's getting worse by the day. Don't you?

It may be the email reply that comes back with only one of your three questions answered...for the second time. Or perhaps the people in church who ask "Hi! How are you?" as they keep walking, with no intention of hearing your reply. Maybe it's my husband who is carrying on an intermittent text conversation through the evening hours and then asks questions the next morning that I already gave him answers to the night before. Then there was the vet tech who was asking about Caroline's recent injury, and I mentioned three or four times how she has been favoring her back left leg, but when she went to type up her summary asked, "Is she favoring any of her legs?" *bangs head against wall* All of these examples happened to me just this past week, FYI.

In the social media world, I've seen this showing up so much lately. People write a very clear informational sales post: including size, condition, age, price, etc... Then two or three people comment instantly below asking: what size is this? What price are you asking? When, if they would have just thoroughly read the original post, they would have clearly found the answers they were looking for. Or on Instagram when somebody comments "This is awesome!!" on a post that was actually about your dog dying.

Is this the ultimate disrespect?? Is it telling people, "I don't care enough about this interaction to be here present in it...you're not worth the energy it takes to listen."

But what has caused this epidemic? Why can't we listen well anymore?

Though by no means a professional, I feel that much of this decline has come through the transient one-sided-ness that characterizes present-day social interaction. You can easily see whatever people are in the mood to share (whenever it's convenient for you) by choosing to click open Facebook, Instagram, Periscope, Snapchat, etc.. - BUT you have no obligation to interact with the conversation they've started, so you consequently have no vested interest and therefore no reason to fully be present in it - i.e. really hearing/registering what they say. In fact, if it bores you, you just click along to the next post in your feed... AmIRight???

This learned way of interacting seems to be subtly teaching us how to be pretty darn rotten friends/neighbors/professionals/etc., and, zoom out a bit: people whose brains don't know how to "land". Constantly hovering, ever looking for the next thing, the next post, constant distraction, entertainment, darting to and fro like ADD riddled hummingbirds.

Sure, maybe that's a strong concept. But think about how comfortable you are with truly being present in any given moment. Can you go out on a date, and happily leave your phone at home (or in the car)? Can you put your iPad away, open the windows and do nothing but listen to the rain? Can you do something fun or make something cute, and not have the urge to 'Gram it?

 If you know us, you know that answering "no" to any of the questions in the last paragraph is the antithesis of slow living - a lifestyle we are passionate about bringing awareness toward. Living slow simply means the practice of being fully present in each of these moments we've been given. It means savoring life.

It means listening well. 

Do I think social media is from the devil? Hello! Of course not. I actually think it can be an impetus for wonderful things! But I do think we can all learn to be more present in social media just as we can in real life. To comment, not just "like", to reach out when someone felt vulnerable enough to share their heart, to encourage, to engage with real life friends IN real life about what they've recently posted.

 To listen (not just skim and click).

Can one person start a listening revolution? Doubtful. 

But I can hope that today you heard...and that you'll share this message with others who will hear.

I can hope that tonight as you go home to your family or roommates, and tomorrow as you walk through your day, you will learn to "un-plug" sometimes so that you can plug-in to those relationships and interactions and let the people that cross your path know that they are worth the effort of listening to.

____________________

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